My Chemical Romance

       I love my family, no big shocker.  But I really enjoy them when all the chemicals in my head are balanced just right.  I have an across the board policy that I can't be friends with you unless you are currently on, or have ever been on what I lovingly call "crazy pills".  What are these wondrous crazy pills?  They are anti-depressants. 
     The negative stigma associated with anti-depressants isn't nearly as bad as it used to be, although I know quite a few people who would rather cut off there own foot rather than take them.   I love my feet and I am keeping both of them, so I happily take my crazy pill every day.  Am I crazy?  I don't think I am truly insane but I function much better and I am much nicer to be around while on my blessed crazy pills. 
     Depression runs in my family.  The life of uprooting my family every two years, feeling alone in new cities, mourning for the loss of friends and watching my children be forced to adapt is apparently enough to trigger mine.  I have been off and on crazy pills since I was eighteen.  After  my children were born I went through crippling post partum depression.  Now I just stay on them.  To me it is no different than being genetically predisposed to high blood pressure and relying on medication to keep it in check. 
     Some people may say "But you are so happy.  You don't need antidepressants."  Those people don't get that I am able to express my happiness because of my Wellbutrin, not in spite of it.  I am a generally happy person, nothing about my personality is changed, just my ability to appreciate my life.  Mood is not just a state, it is a chemical equation.  I still get mad, angry, upset, fed up, and frustrated.  That never changes, but I am able to be happy, appreciative, and loving thanks to my CP.
      My brain runs low on serotonin.  Serotonin seems to be the key to happiness.  I am not able to make up my mind and just "be happy".   I take my Wellbutrin every  morning just like my other vitamins.  It's just replacing a chemical that my brain is having trouble making. 
      I worried a little about singing the praises of my crazy pills.  Many will judge, some will put their hand to their chest and say "I would never..." .  Well good for you, I would never take them either but I have to so I choose to not make it a bitter pill to swallow.  Why feel bad over what is similar to a vitamin deficiency.  My calling them Crazy Pills probably doesn't help the negative stigma.  But it is my loving nick name for them.  Much like I joke and call Turner my watermelon head. 
     I'm very lucky that most of my friends don't seem to care that I take Crazy Pills.  I've even found others who swim in my end of the pool and I think we'd all tell you come on in the water's fine.  Sweetness used to be very bothered that I took an anti-depressant.  Back in those days I wasn't calling him Sweetness either.  He couldn't understand why he wasn't enough for me to be happy.  He thought is was a mind-set or a decision to be made by me, not something you take a medicine for.   So I asked him why wasn't I enough to be healthy for?  Why couldn't he make up his mind to just get off of his blood pressure pills?   He finally got it.  He finally listened.  Sweetness and my kids are very much enough to be happy for.  I am just able to  be happy about them when I have the right amount of serotonin. 
     So this morning I'll take my crazy pill and smile.  My beautiful children will be up in a little bit.  My Sweetness is hard at work for us.  I am one lucky girl to be able to see all of that and enjoy it.