As snow gently fell

    God visits me in the strangest places. He's at school in the pick up line, when a child is kind to a classmate and holds open a door.  He shows Himself to me in the stranger who lets me merge into their lane and waves with happiness in traffic. God brushes past me in the faces of strangers who smile kindly as they walk by in the grocery store. I know it's Him. He makes sure I know He is there.  But oddly enough, today God came and sat next to me in church. 

     I listen in church. I want to learn and to understand. I take notes. I doodle on my bulletin. I hear about God. But I am not sure if I've ever felt Him beside me like I did today. 

    The message was about finding God's will for your life. I took notes. It all made sense and had so many references to scripture, such a beautifully written and thought out sermon. BUT, My God came and sat with me, held me, when our pastor started talking about how his children opened his heart to the world.  

      I've never shared my "testimony". I have always worried that all people see in me is my sin. My short comings. My failures. I've always loved God, but having my son was when I actually met Him. 

  I was "saved" and baptized right after my Pawpaw died. I was eleven. If heaven was real, and it is where my Pawpaw was, I needed my ticket. 

    I have always attended church, I know the hymns. I love how it feels to be in  a room of believers, but it took having my own son to actually feel what God suffered for me. 

      The most perfect day of my life was spent sitting on our love seat holding my new born son. Right next to the window, the beautiful snow covered landscape like something out of a movie.  Watching  snow fall, hearing the beautiful silence that a blanket of snow brings. I held Turner for hours that day. I saw God in his perfect little self. I saw what real, true love is. I held this perfect life in my hands and knew I would spend the rest of my life serving and protecting him. 

    God loves me more than I can ever understand. He loves me no matter how awful I am. No matter how arrogant, no matter how bad my temper, no matter how lazy I am when  I need to worship Him. It took holding my son to see and feel that kind of love. 

     Turner saved me in so many ways. He let me see the value in love. A friend shared a blog post with me about trying to love every single person in your life like they are a child. Treat them as if they are doing their very best, because they are. That advice along with the advice I got from a bible study --- pray to God like talking to your parent. Pray like a small child. Petition Him, talk to Him often. Keep a line of communication open. Set aside a time to listen. And bring Him EVERYTHING!  Don't keep small things from God. It's a learning process. It needs time and faith.

         I'm trying to remember all the times GOD came near me. 'if I could just touch the hem of His garment". 

     I hear His garments rustle. I feel the air they displace as He walks by. Having my children made me aware. He was always there, I just wasn't ready to listen. 

       I was truly saved the day the

snow  gently fell. When God used quiet and stillness to show me the beauty and peace He made for me. He came to sit by me today. I hope I didn't disappoint Him.  I hope He comes near again.  I hope His love for me is truly bigger than all my sin. I hope to hear his garments as He walks near again.