Uplift, Empower, Validate

   I survived. The kids survived. Really, I think I was the only one in danger of not making it through the first week of school.  TnT loved the first week back, I did not. But with new school years comes so much more new. My gypsy soul loves new- new places, new faces, new songs, new outlooks, new hopes. 

    I recently became a Presenter for Younique.  What a crazy idea?! Build a company that builds women up. I have been welcomed with open arms. Do I know what I'm doing yet? Nope. Do I believe in the product? Absolutely. Did I need this in my life? More than I am comfortable admitting. Joining a company who's mission statement is to Uplift, Empower, and Validate is what I needed.  

    I'm new. I'm the new girl, always. And it's hard. But,  I've lived in Texas for three years. My newness has worn off. So has my  filter. Every year that passes I have less care of offending  or embarrassing  myself. Every birthday brings the ability to hug longer and harder. Because if I am hugging you, chances are I love you. And if I love you, I know one of us is needing that too tight,  too long hug kind of hug. 

    This last week has been very hard. Watching My Sweet Tater fret over her first gymnastics competition, I am not sure who was more nervous, me or her.  But I saw every mother at the gym meet with the same glittering tears in their eyes. And I love being in that club with each of you. My heart soared with each of your girls. Not every tear in my eyes was for my Tate.  Some  were for the girl who hit her back flip flop for the first time, some were for girl who struggled on bars. Being a mother opened my heart in ways I can't still can't understand. 

     As my children get older I'm also noticing how much I love their  friends.  The friends who are older than Tate, but still came by to give her flowers for her first gym meet. They thought they were just being nice to my daughter. They don't know that they gave my heart hope. A sweet gesture for the youngest child in our group of friends, no doubt. But it was so much more. I saw goodness in those girls yesterday.  Teenagers scare me. I pray everyday that the teen years  go smoothly for Turner and Tate. I also pray that my children remain safe, and most importantly maintain that "goodness".  The older girls that sweetly include my Tater in everything and call her their little sister are what I pray for. All of their parents should be so proud. They are raising amazing kids with big hearts, and they all give me such hope. 

    Now we are in week two of school, week two of learning how to uplift, empower, and validate through my new work family. I'm taking notes from the "big sisters" God put in Tate's life. Some kids know how important it is to build each other up- and I'm thankful for each of them. 

And I've Cried

    Where do I begin? Well, for one I've cried all week. My babies are back in school, and they are so happy- but I've cried. My Tater cried a little on the first day, because it was real for her that Turner B wasn't walking her in,  he won't be in school with her again for a long time-  and I cried. I've seen how their little minds are so open and excited but also tired from all the new, all the learning, all the fun and routine of school- and I've cried. 

    I've also noticed how much I need to thank my mom and dad. Babies are amazing, preschool and kindergarten are tender. But sending my very first baby to middle school has undone me- and I've cried. I need to thank my mom and dad for loving me thru all the transitions in my life. I need to thank them for the brave faces that I now find myself putting on.  I learned from them. They were always so happy for new chapters in my life. But now living through it and looking back- I see the cracks in the smiles.  Now I'm in the club.  My heart is being torn out by my kids growing up- and I've cried. All the cliches, all the "God please make time slow down", all the "I'd give anything to go back......"

   I want the life I imagined, but I thank God daily for giving me the one I needed- and I've cried. I thought I'd be the crazy Aunt at my nieces recitals and competitions. Instead I'm the crazy friend at my friends son's football games. I sat and had my heart break for a girl I barely know because she was being picked on for her beautiful hair- so I came home- and I cried. If we are all just trying to survive this crazy, uncertain, wonderful life- why waste words being mean to someone because her hair is different?  Really? That's what kids do now. How do I protect my TNT? I can't keep them from the world. I can't keep them to myself, there is so much wonderful out there. And they are becoming old enough to see it- all of it. The flowers, the different people, the kind gestures of a stranger who holds the door open, the elderly couple who still holds hands. But they see the hateful looks of cowards who fear anything that is different from themselves. They see the news, they hear hate muttered by adults who don't realize they are listening. I can't keep them from it- and I cried. 

     The good thing about having your heart break is that the cracks and tears just become filled in by new friends, new people you think of as family. It forces your heart to grow- but the process hurts. So I'll cry. Next week will be better. I'll make a point to really notice the good. The good kids who sit together and cheer for each other. The good parents who put in the brave  faces with me and love not only our kids but each other's kids too. I'll smile when I see the good in the world. I will try my hardest to smile more, hug more, show up more. I'm going to need "my people", this is a hard journey, thank God we only have to go through it once. Once is good, it's messy, it's not what I planned, it's unexpected, it's awful, it's amazing. And it's Ok if if I cry a little.