It's finally here, the last day of summer. My children start school on Monday. We've all waited all summer for this, talked about it and looked forward to it. I take it all back. I am not looking forward to it at all. I do want my kids to be able to meet more friends, and Tate is so excited to be a Kindergartner, but what about me?
I'm realizing that my kids truly are my best friends. I do not strive to be their "friend". I try to be their mother, teacher, example, and even their disciplinarian, but not their friend. That sounds mean, but I want to "train them up in the way they should go", not spoil or indulge their every want. I always thought I'd be best friends with my kids when they were older but it turns out that time is right now.
This summer has brought on a lot of challenges to our family, and in turn many discussions. Two deaths in our family and an incredibly painful move cross country. So we have talked about every thing from being old, to cancer, to sad hearts and how our friends will still be our friends even if we can't see them that often. Because of this move we have all had to become each other's friend more so than we were in Macon. In Macon we all had best friends, heck they lived right next door. But now the kids rely more on each other and have played more together this summer than they ever have. I have been invited into their play time too and it's been wonderful. But more than that I've had to open up and be very honest with my children about my heart. I've not hidden anything from them about how sad I was about moving and when my Aunt Marsha was sick and dieing I had to explain why I was so sad. To be comforted by my seven year old son and five year old daughter, it was like hugs from angels. They got it and understood because of how much they love their Aunt Tabba.
Now summer is over, so are our days of exploration of new places. I know this will become our new normal and I can not wait to see how they flourish in a new school. My kids love other kids, love going somewhere new, and the only reason you aren't their friend is because they haven't met you yet. They are so much better at this moving thing than I am.
This new chapter also leaves me feeling kind of useless. Both my babies will be in school, what am I supposed to do with my days now? I guess this is a feeling every stay at home mom has. I will volunteer more at school, I will go to more school lunches, I will cook more, clean more, do better with my grocery shopping and couponing. But all the while I'll be missing my two little shadows. I feel as if I finally need to grow up and get a job. But after talking with Sweetness, it doesn't make sense for our family. His work schedule allows very little time for kid activities. I am the only parent able to attend 90% of all that they do and we don't have back up grandmas and grandpas to step in and get the kids from school or practice if one of us is late. So I'll put off growing up for a a little while longer.
Monday will come, I will pack lunches and take pictures. We will walk in and hug goodbye, then pay no attention to me as I walk out, because I will be a crying hot mess. But Tuesday will be easier and by Friday it will be our new normal. I will pray for my kids, their teachers, their classmates, and my own selfish heart. I am so thankful that God gave me such adaptive kids, I am blessed beyond measure. So bring on school, who knows what wonderful adventures it will hold for the Currier Family.
No comments:
Post a Comment