Jesus and Joe

    I have been a life long insomniac.  I can usually go to sleep, it's staying that way that is a reach.  I roll over and click my mind turns on and won't shut up.  I think the the same way I drive, fast and all over the place.  So I have given up laying motionless and just go ahead and get up.
    Waking up with Brad at 3:30 some mornings is not hard, I'm up any way.  I do like the mornings he sleeps in til 5:00 and we both sleep a little longer.  I love morning.  I love the time before the sun comes up, the quiet and stillness of my house.  I fix my cup of coffee and turn on my laptop.  I have to check and see if anyone has emailed me the night before, what has happened on Facebook in the past twenty-four hours, the news, the weather etc.  I look forward to my email from Jesus.  He sends one every morning.  I know it's not actually Jesus sending it but sometimes my little email devotionals are so accurate and in tune with my life I think there's no way He didn't send it. 
    I am a lazy Christian of convenience.  I do not kneel to pray, I have never read the Bible in it's entirety, and I'll skip church to go four wheeling at the drop of a hat.  I want to be the person that kneels and that has read all of The Book, but I am not there yet.  I know I'm not that grown up yet, so instead I signed up for daily devotional emails a few years ago.  It's so easy!  Wake up and in your in box is a lesson, who knew? You can even read it in the car on your phone.  Perfect for me.
      I have only had my coffee pot for nine months.  It has fired up every morning since I unwrapped it.  I enjoy my coffee alone in the stillness and I swear Jesus is a coffee drinker.  My time with alone in the mornings is when those little notions and thoughts that wake me up and won't let me go back to sleep flutter through my mind.  I think that "intuition" is probably God trying to tell me what He wants from me, I am still just not able to hear all of it, my pride, fear, vanity, and stubbornness are in the way.  Seeking Him is hard for a Type A gal like me.  Mornings are the only time I am quiet enough to have a chance of hearing His plan for me.  So to heck with sleeping!  I am going to try to get better at listening.  It scares the pants off of me, to try to give control over of my daily decisions but I need to.  I need to give myself over in a loss of control, maybe then my life won't seem so out of my control.
   I am pretty sure God put me with Brad and sent us on this cross country adventure to teach me to let go.  I want to keep everything just the way I like it, and I now have absolutely zero say so in where I live, how long I stay there and who I'll meet.  I pouted like a child and had a heart full of resentment the first few years in Arizona.  It was the hardest thing to leave my sister, my family and my friends.  I hated Brad and held it against him for so long.  When I gave up pining for what I thought was best for me God showed me what He had in mind instead.  Low and behold, He kind of knows what He's doing.  I have lucked up on the most amazing friends.
   I think I'll have and extra cup o' joe this morning and try to listen a little harder.  God You know I am a slow learner when it comes to this, stubborn and prideful.  Please fill my heart with Your direction and cup with enough coffee to to get me started.