Forced Meditation

   When it's quiet where does your mind wander?  Do you sit and fret about the audit you're having to get together for the beeping Utah State Tax Commission?  Do you worry about the blood in your four year old's urine?  What about his ears and the tubes he'll be getting soon?   Not me, none of that is eating away slowly at what mind I have left.  Nope the next two weeks will sail by and I will be stress free, then pigs will fly right out of my butt.

     I am trying my hardest to not "stress" in the traditional sense.  When my chest gets tight and I feel like the walls are closing in I try to turn to God.  I am not good at remembering the scripture but I know there is a verse in Philippians about petitioning God repeatedly and doing it humbly that will get your prayers answered.  So I am repeating my prayers.  Sometimes it makes me feel better, sometimes it makes me want to yell.

      I have been noticing just how great my kids are while I sit and watch them play.  While I sit praying for them, I see God in each of them.  I see Turner's giving heart and his willingness to please others.  I see great strength (and maybe a little stubbornness) in Tate.  I am thanking God for letting me see the little moments my kids share every day.  I am relishing standing just out of sight and listening to their conversations.  I am watching the brother sister bond grow each day.

     We'll be going to the pediatric kidney specialist in two weeks.  I will let all of you know what we find out.  Hopefully it will be blessedly uneventful and all I will have nothing to report but "Turner is fine".