Seven Years

  How can my sweet boy be seven?  He was just a chubby little blue eyed baby boy.

His toddler years went by too fast, he was still a baby when we had another baby.



Will she ever know how lucky she is to have him?

Mommy is selfish and just wants more time, more hugs, more cuddles before he's too big.

He is definitely all "snails and nails and puppy dog tails"

So happy birthday to the man I didn't know I needed in my life. 

Turner you are an incredible man in the making.  I can not wait to see what you become, what ever it is you will be wonderful.

  You are my heart~  Love Mom

Finding a Fountain

    There is a huge house on the way to Tate's school, and I mean it is huge.  It's all manicured with gorgeous landscaping and it has a fountain right out front.  When we first moved here it was winter and the fountain was a big frozen ice sculpture every day as I brought Turner and Tate to school.  This sparked many conversations in our car.  The kids would cheer and scream every morning as we passed the fountain, it just looked so cool with ice sickles exploding from it. 
    Turner now gets dropped off at his school and doesn't get to view the fountain every day anymore, but Tate gives daily reports.  She knows when the house is coming up, and talks to me every morning about if she thinks it will be frozen, flowing, or broken.  We've discussed how water freezes, what we think the family is like who lives in the big huge fountain house, and Turner has even told me he doesn't want to live in a house that big because I would take all day to clean it and wouldn't be able to play.
     As we drove by the fountain this week I got sad thinking about not seeing the fountain any more.  Every time we move my kids manage to begin making their own rituals to make a new place feel familiar, the fountain was a big one here in Macon.  In Cartersville is was a little gas station/BBQ joint with an ever evolving garage sale out front.  Turner would press his face to the car window and tell me what all new junk was at the BBQ emporium. 
    Routine is king at our house.  I think it's my futile attempt to bring stability in to a very unstable life.  If my kids know what to expect every day they are happy, and feel secure.  They will never know what it feels like to grow up in the same house their entire life.  I try to remember to take a picture of the outside of each house we have lived in and keep it.  One day I'll put them all in a photo book and give one each to the kids.  My memories are of the same house my parents still live in.  I go home and it's still home.  My kids won't have that but I'm trying to make sure the feeling of "home" is right where we are at the moment.  So far Turner B. has five different houses in his home file, Tater has three.  When I write that down it sounds awful, like we do nothing but pack and move.  But each of the houses is so packed full of time spent, dinners eaten together, night lights in hallways, familiar smells, Christmas mornings, and so many other memories that I barely remember the houses themselves.  My memories of my past ten years aren't a fractured and scattered collection, but a cohesive span where only the background scenery changes. 
     I've already started talking with the kids about moving.  I don't hide anything from them or sugar coat it.  They know we'll be leaving here some time next year, they know it's going to suck.  I think they also know that we will get through it.  We've started adding things in our morning prayers asking God to start getting a house ready for us in the next town.  I ask for God to get our hearts ready to meet new people and not hurt too badly for the ones we have to leave.  I'm hoping since the kids are older that they will have lots of contact with their friends through my email, Skype and on my Facebook.  Maybe it'll help, it helps me anyway.
     Tate wanted to know if there would be a fountain in our next town that we could talk about.  I told her I don't know, but that we would find other things to drive by everyday and talk about.  Maybe I'll start adding a fountain to our prayers.  It is very surprising what little things my kids will get attached to.  Junky roadside gas stations and fountains in other people's driveways.  But I will search for the next roadside interest and try to make our next house and routines feel like home, even if it means driving out of my way to look for a new fountain.

All Jacked up

     While posting about my excitement over Turner's first football game tonight I got a comment from a friend: "I love how jacked up you are about Mite League football."  This made me stop and think for a second, because I didn't realize there was an alternative to being all jacked up.  I am fan full of ferocious joy when it comes to my family.  I think I do many things with ferocity, which can be less than good sometimes. 
    I love Turner and Tate.  When I watch them excel at what ever it is they are doing my heart swells and I can barely contain myself.  Likewise, when they are fighting or defying me I can barely contain myself.  I need to be more patient, but just hang on God because I am not ready to ask for help with that yet.  I'm scared of patience.  I need more of it , especially trying to parent a six year old son and a four year old daughter.  My kids are growing out of the sweet preschool stage and entering full on adolescence.  They are more independent than little kids, they have lives that exist outside of my influence.  They are smart, curious and both are sometime smart alecks.  This is trying my nerves. 
    Tate is really pushing my buttons lately.  She's emotional, whiny and loves to see how mad she can make me.  I'm not sure why this game is so fun?  I know she's testing boundaries.  I volley between waiting to pick her up,  hug her and hold her endlessly and trying not to choke her for disobeying me.  I realize gaining independence and pushing at boundaries is part of growing up, but it doesn't keep me from pining for when they were both babies.  When they needed me, when the sun rose and set around our time cuddling. 
    Turner is likewise going through his own growing period.  He's becoming a little man before my eyes.  My sweet mama's boy is slipping away little bits at a time.  I'm not allowed to kiss him at school, or around his friends, but he will still hold my hand.  He's learning to focus aggression on the football field and even embrace it.  Holding back tears when he's been stepped on by a cleat, scratched or bruised, he no longer needs a  kiss from me. 
    Even though my kids were absolute hellions this morning I remain "All jacked up" for Turner's football game tonight.  Nothing they ever do will stop me from being their biggest fan.  When I see Tate step on to a balance beam, strong and steady I watch her with my heart in my throat.  I can't yell and scream for her at gymnastics, but my heart cheers just as loudly for every tumble, just as it does when Turner is on the field.  I watch her and see powerful potential wrapped up in such a beautiful little girl.  Her head-strong nature will serve her well through out life, it just makes parenting her hard.
      Watching Turner toughen up in his first season of football lets me know he'll grow into the kind of man his father is.  I love watching him block, tackle, run, and even when he gets laid out by another player I know he's learning from it.  Thank goodness football lets me let out some of what is pent up inside me.  After his first scrimmage and the jamboree he told me he can always hear me cheering for him.  I asked if that was OK with him or embarrassing?  He said that I can always cheer for him.  I want to cheer for both of my children so much now that it will stick in their heads for when I am not around.  When they are adults and doubting themselves I want them to hear me  telling them how great they are, what wonderful people I know they are. 
     So for tonight I'm dressed in blue and white, from my shirt to my fingernails and toenails.  My cowbell is painted and ready.  I will have three cameras ready to shoot.  And most of all I will be all jacked up for the game.  Truth be told I've been all jacked up for each of my kids since the minute they were born.  I've waited six and half years for Turner to be old enough to play a sport that embraces insane loud fans.  I couldn't wait one more minute.  I've screamed at the soccer field, I've cheered as he rounded  bases headed for home, but tonight I get to let it all out and get ALL JACKED UP!   

Coppertone and Chlorine

     Today is my baby boy's first day of first grade.  I'm excited for him, and nervous too.  I know he'll be fine.  I just hate the adjustment of getting used to him being gone all day.  I have fallen in love with summer.  I want to start a count down til the last day of school already. 
     This summer Brad has been off just about every Friday by three.  We have spent so much time together, and loved it all.  I am not ready for my children to loose their summer glow.  Seeing their little tan bodies run around at the pool, watching them swim like fish while laying out holding Sweetness' hand is heaven.  We have packing the cooler down to a science.  Sandwiches eaten poolside are the best.  But now it's back to packing school lunches.  Soon it will be suppers eaten in the car  on the way to football games. 
     Why do I resist change so much?  Every time something in my life changes I think I'll never be as happy as I was before.  Thankfully I've been wrong every time.  We move, and I feel like we'll never make friends.  We end up making wonderful friends, I get comfortable and dread the next change.  My birthday rolls round and I think the best year of my life is ending, yet the next one always tops the previous. 
   My thirty-third birthday is this week.  I think twenty seven was my worst birthday, I had a baby and was fighting for a new sense of self.  My thirty first birthday was the best one I've ever had.  I was alive, out of the hospital, and could hold my husband and children every day and had never appreciated it more.  Who knows what my thirty third year will bring?  A new state, new schools for the kids, hopefully new friends. 
     Lots of changes this week, and I'm trying to look forward to all of it.  Turner will have an awesome teacher and the best first grade experience.  I will love being thirty-three, even more than I loved my entire life at thirty-two.  I won't say good bye to my favorite smell of Coppertone mixed with chlorine.  We will still go swim on the weekends, but weekends fill up fast during the school year.
      I think of the sentiment of  "keep Christmas in your heart all year long"  and smile.  I think I'll keep summer in my heart all year long.  I'll remember laying in the hot sun and feeling Tate's pool cooled body flop down on top of me.  I will remember the melty cheese on my sandwiches tasting better than it ever does at home.  I'll remember the cute white line Turner gets across his nose every summer.  And I will think of my Sweetness throwing our kids impossibly high, hearing them squeal as they splash into the pool and beg to be thrown again.   When fall and winter are here I may just smear the kids with a little Coppertone so I can smell the next summer and know it's on it's way.



Where there's a Will

I always thought that newborns  would be my all time favorite ages with my kids, I was wrong. As Turner gets ready for first grade and Tate enters pre-K I find myself enjoying them more and more. We have some really good conversations, they are learning to get along better, and the older they get the more responsibilities they can handle.
Last night Turner had his best buddy Will over to spend the night. Will is our neighbor and I couldn't have custom ordered a better best friend for my son. The boys played all night, then they got settled in and went to bed. This morning they got up and played the Wii. I went into the kitchen and got breakfast ready, then I got nervous. Every morning I read a devotional to my kids, we talk about it, and say our weekly memory verse. It's so easy and it's one of my favorite parts of the day with my kids. I got nervous this morning because Will was here. I doubt myself when it comes to sharing the Bible. I always feel like the person I'm sharing with will know that I don't have all the answers or will notice if I screw something up. I wanted to be a good example for my kids that it's  OK to talk about with your friends about God, so I swallowed my silly anxiety and treated this morning like any other morning.
I sat down with the kids and started our lesson. It was based on Ephesians 4:26 "Do not let the sun set while you are still angry." We all talked about how we've all fought with our brothers or sisters and how God wants us to forgive each other. Will listened, answered questions and cemented his place in my heart.
I'm sure there are sweet, respecful, responsible little boys all over the United States, but I believe they are more heavily concentrated in the South. All the handsome little men I know call me Mrs. Tiffany or (my heart be still) Mrs Currier. They say mam and sir, without being reminded. Little boys hold doors open and offer help when I haven't asked for it. My love for each of my children grows daily and so does my love for their friends. We're so lucky to have "good kids" for ours to play with and have as their piers.   So where there's a Will, Patrick, Evan, Cal, a Christopher and Drew, Brady, Parker, Eli and many many others is a great place to be.

Think inside the box

    If Sweetness and the kids and I were all forced to spend three days locked in our bedroom we would be stir crazy.  But put us in a twenty four foot camper on top of each other and we all have silly grins on our faces and can't get enough of each other.  Our little box on wheels is a box worth being in.  The smell of Off mixed with campfires, BBQ, and sweaty kids is  intoxicating.  Eating simple food, and sitting around enjoying each other's company is heaven.
   I have seen Turner grow before my eyes this weekend.  We were fishing and instead of waiting for Papa to bait his hook he did it himself.  He then took his own perch off the hook.  My sweet baby boy can now walk down to the edge of the lake with his fishing pole and a bucket of worms and fish all by himself.  Watching him take the perch in his hands made my heart race.  It was such a proud moment and I got to share it with my Sweetness.  Turner is racing down the road speeding towards manhood.  He is no longer a child waiting for help, he does so many things by himself.  I see him walk beside his father and watch as the gap between them narrows.  He's growing up before or eyes.  He'll be a man's man just like his Papa. 
    Sweet Tater is roaring down her own path.  She's now a competent swimmer, with no floaties.  It scares me to watch her, to be forced to let go a little at a time as she grows and needs me less.  So far this summer has started off full of bliss.  My children haven't fought much, Sweetness has been home every weekend and what some would consider boring has been the most enjoyable routine I could imagine. 
    I want time to slow down.  I want this stage to last longer.  I want to stretch this out and make it last forever.  The kids are self sufficient enough that I no longer feel as pulled at by babies and toddlers.  They are at such fun ages and I can still hold the world back from them for a while.  Life is not easy exactly, but it is so rich and so good right now that my heart is bursting.  I better get back to paying attention to my crew, I don't want to miss a second.  I wanted to write this down so I would remember the weekend my boy learned to fish like a man and my girl jumped in the water and swam. I'm going to go soak up the last day of being inside our box.

It's the greatest show on earth

     I have had so much rolling around in my head the past couple weeks. My pastor gave a great sermon two weeks ago that kicked off a series " The Family Circus". I will tell you after hearing it my toes were sore, he was stepping all over them for half an hour.


Jerry likened our families to the circus, there's a ring-leader, strongman, lion tamer, clowns, the girl riding the elephants and many others. We can all switch rolls, I personally start every day thinking I'm the ringleader. I want to keep all three rings running smoothly, but by five o'clock I'm usually just he lion tamer, trying to keep wild animals from hurting themselves or others. Brad is my strongman, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and making it look easy. Tate is my girl riding the elephants, she loves to be looked at, oooohhed and ahhhed over. Turner is sometimes my clown, but more often he's the ground crew making sure minor details are handled and the show is running smoothly.



This was an analogy that I could get into. My toes started to hurt when he pointed out that children are made to leave their parents, right from the moment they are born. The second a baby's chord is cut is their first step towards independence, they breathe on their own. OK, that was harsh but true. I think part of the reason I loved nursing my children so much is because it was the one thing that no one else could do for them. There was absolutely no better food, and I was the only one they needed. It wore me out, but I'm proud to say that neither one of my babies ever had one ounce of formula. Those fourteen months with each of my kids was great and it prolonged them being "my babies".



What made my heart ache was being told, in no uncertain terms, that I can not protect my children. Life is out there, heart ache is coming, and I can not protect them. How dare he?! Doesn't he know I've happily been sticking my head in the sand and ignoring that fact for exactly six and a half years? I purposely don't watch the news too much so I can ignore how terrible the world is, and try to forget that it is what is waiting for my children. It was not a message without hope, it became a call to action. Prepare. As a parent I can not protect them, but I can prepare them. Give them the tools to ready themselves for the storms ahead.



I try not to be a helicopter parent. I hate hovering. I try to let my kids work things out on their own. I try to let them be independent. I try to give them enough responsibilities, show them how to work hard. But is the right balance being struck? When they were babies the worries were few. They simply needed to be clean, fed, and healthy. I got my first taste of true fear last August when I had to let my sweet Turner walk into school, stay there under the care of strangers and not walk back out for seven hours. After the first couple weeks my anxiety waned and his being gone all day became our new normal. God made us adaptable, and I thank Him for that.



I know I will have to watch myself with making things too easy for my kids. I feel like Brad and I are the cause of a lot of heartache for them, with Brad's career causing us to move every two years. Always knowing they'll be uprooted, I want to make other things easy on them. Give them a break, help them a little more than I should. I can't help it, I'm their mom. I want their lives to be sunshine and rainbows, smiles and cotton candy all the time. They know it's not. The other day Turner used the phrase "a forever home". He wanted to know if we ever get a forever home, can he get a real basket ball goal? My heart broke a little. My six year old now understands what leasing a house means. He knows it's not ours, although we live in it and make our home in it, it is still just temporary. He's so grown up, and he's only six. How will my heart take it when he is ten and even more grown up?



The moving, the being own our own with no family help or support has grown us all up quite a bit. I won't lie, the first four or five years of our marriage were rough. We had to get used to being married, moving a couple thousand miles from home, having two children, and moving to four different homes. Now I wouldn't trade it for anything, but man it stunk a lot of the time while it was happening. I hope that's how my children look back on their childhoods. They will have good memories to mix in to the hurt of moving. I pray it will make them stronger and better equipped for new experiences. I hope some of this is helping get them ready for the world beyond our home. I know I can't protect them, that I need to get them ready for what is to come. But I want to believe it when I tell them everything is all right, mommy won't let anything hurt you, you are safe.