If Sweetness and the kids and I were all forced to spend three days locked in our bedroom we would be stir crazy. But put us in a twenty four foot camper on top of each other and we all have silly grins on our faces and can't get enough of each other. Our little box on wheels is a box worth being in. The smell of Off mixed with campfires, BBQ, and sweaty kids is intoxicating. Eating simple food, and sitting around enjoying each other's company is heaven.
I have seen Turner grow before my eyes this weekend. We were fishing and instead of waiting for Papa to bait his hook he did it himself. He then took his own perch off the hook. My sweet baby boy can now walk down to the edge of the lake with his fishing pole and a bucket of worms and fish all by himself. Watching him take the perch in his hands made my heart race. It was such a proud moment and I got to share it with my Sweetness. Turner is racing down the road speeding towards manhood. He is no longer a child waiting for help, he does so many things by himself. I see him walk beside his father and watch as the gap between them narrows. He's growing up before or eyes. He'll be a man's man just like his Papa.
Sweet Tater is roaring down her own path. She's now a competent swimmer, with no floaties. It scares me to watch her, to be forced to let go a little at a time as she grows and needs me less. So far this summer has started off full of bliss. My children haven't fought much, Sweetness has been home every weekend and what some would consider boring has been the most enjoyable routine I could imagine.
I want time to slow down. I want this stage to last longer. I want to stretch this out and make it last forever. The kids are self sufficient enough that I no longer feel as pulled at by babies and toddlers. They are at such fun ages and I can still hold the world back from them for a while. Life is not easy exactly, but it is so rich and so good right now that my heart is bursting. I better get back to paying attention to my crew, I don't want to miss a second. I wanted to write this down so I would remember the weekend my boy learned to fish like a man and my girl jumped in the water and swam. I'm going to go soak up the last day of being inside our box.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
It's the greatest show on earth
I have had so much rolling around in my head the past couple weeks. My pastor gave a great sermon two weeks ago that kicked off a series " The Family Circus". I will tell you after hearing it my toes were sore, he was stepping all over them for half an hour.
Jerry likened our families to the circus, there's a ring-leader, strongman, lion tamer, clowns, the girl riding the elephants and many others. We can all switch rolls, I personally start every day thinking I'm the ringleader. I want to keep all three rings running smoothly, but by five o'clock I'm usually just he lion tamer, trying to keep wild animals from hurting themselves or others. Brad is my strongman, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and making it look easy. Tate is my girl riding the elephants, she loves to be looked at, oooohhed and ahhhed over. Turner is sometimes my clown, but more often he's the ground crew making sure minor details are handled and the show is running smoothly.
This was an analogy that I could get into. My toes started to hurt when he pointed out that children are made to leave their parents, right from the moment they are born. The second a baby's chord is cut is their first step towards independence, they breathe on their own. OK, that was harsh but true. I think part of the reason I loved nursing my children so much is because it was the one thing that no one else could do for them. There was absolutely no better food, and I was the only one they needed. It wore me out, but I'm proud to say that neither one of my babies ever had one ounce of formula. Those fourteen months with each of my kids was great and it prolonged them being "my babies".
What made my heart ache was being told, in no uncertain terms, that I can not protect my children. Life is out there, heart ache is coming, and I can not protect them. How dare he?! Doesn't he know I've happily been sticking my head in the sand and ignoring that fact for exactly six and a half years? I purposely don't watch the news too much so I can ignore how terrible the world is, and try to forget that it is what is waiting for my children. It was not a message without hope, it became a call to action. Prepare. As a parent I can not protect them, but I can prepare them. Give them the tools to ready themselves for the storms ahead.
I try not to be a helicopter parent. I hate hovering. I try to let my kids work things out on their own. I try to let them be independent. I try to give them enough responsibilities, show them how to work hard. But is the right balance being struck? When they were babies the worries were few. They simply needed to be clean, fed, and healthy. I got my first taste of true fear last August when I had to let my sweet Turner walk into school, stay there under the care of strangers and not walk back out for seven hours. After the first couple weeks my anxiety waned and his being gone all day became our new normal. God made us adaptable, and I thank Him for that.
I know I will have to watch myself with making things too easy for my kids. I feel like Brad and I are the cause of a lot of heartache for them, with Brad's career causing us to move every two years. Always knowing they'll be uprooted, I want to make other things easy on them. Give them a break, help them a little more than I should. I can't help it, I'm their mom. I want their lives to be sunshine and rainbows, smiles and cotton candy all the time. They know it's not. The other day Turner used the phrase "a forever home". He wanted to know if we ever get a forever home, can he get a real basket ball goal? My heart broke a little. My six year old now understands what leasing a house means. He knows it's not ours, although we live in it and make our home in it, it is still just temporary. He's so grown up, and he's only six. How will my heart take it when he is ten and even more grown up?
The moving, the being own our own with no family help or support has grown us all up quite a bit. I won't lie, the first four or five years of our marriage were rough. We had to get used to being married, moving a couple thousand miles from home, having two children, and moving to four different homes. Now I wouldn't trade it for anything, but man it stunk a lot of the time while it was happening. I hope that's how my children look back on their childhoods. They will have good memories to mix in to the hurt of moving. I pray it will make them stronger and better equipped for new experiences. I hope some of this is helping get them ready for the world beyond our home. I know I can't protect them, that I need to get them ready for what is to come. But I want to believe it when I tell them everything is all right, mommy won't let anything hurt you, you are safe.
Jerry likened our families to the circus, there's a ring-leader, strongman, lion tamer, clowns, the girl riding the elephants and many others. We can all switch rolls, I personally start every day thinking I'm the ringleader. I want to keep all three rings running smoothly, but by five o'clock I'm usually just he lion tamer, trying to keep wild animals from hurting themselves or others. Brad is my strongman, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and making it look easy. Tate is my girl riding the elephants, she loves to be looked at, oooohhed and ahhhed over. Turner is sometimes my clown, but more often he's the ground crew making sure minor details are handled and the show is running smoothly.
This was an analogy that I could get into. My toes started to hurt when he pointed out that children are made to leave their parents, right from the moment they are born. The second a baby's chord is cut is their first step towards independence, they breathe on their own. OK, that was harsh but true. I think part of the reason I loved nursing my children so much is because it was the one thing that no one else could do for them. There was absolutely no better food, and I was the only one they needed. It wore me out, but I'm proud to say that neither one of my babies ever had one ounce of formula. Those fourteen months with each of my kids was great and it prolonged them being "my babies".
What made my heart ache was being told, in no uncertain terms, that I can not protect my children. Life is out there, heart ache is coming, and I can not protect them. How dare he?! Doesn't he know I've happily been sticking my head in the sand and ignoring that fact for exactly six and a half years? I purposely don't watch the news too much so I can ignore how terrible the world is, and try to forget that it is what is waiting for my children. It was not a message without hope, it became a call to action. Prepare. As a parent I can not protect them, but I can prepare them. Give them the tools to ready themselves for the storms ahead.
I try not to be a helicopter parent. I hate hovering. I try to let my kids work things out on their own. I try to let them be independent. I try to give them enough responsibilities, show them how to work hard. But is the right balance being struck? When they were babies the worries were few. They simply needed to be clean, fed, and healthy. I got my first taste of true fear last August when I had to let my sweet Turner walk into school, stay there under the care of strangers and not walk back out for seven hours. After the first couple weeks my anxiety waned and his being gone all day became our new normal. God made us adaptable, and I thank Him for that.
I know I will have to watch myself with making things too easy for my kids. I feel like Brad and I are the cause of a lot of heartache for them, with Brad's career causing us to move every two years. Always knowing they'll be uprooted, I want to make other things easy on them. Give them a break, help them a little more than I should. I can't help it, I'm their mom. I want their lives to be sunshine and rainbows, smiles and cotton candy all the time. They know it's not. The other day Turner used the phrase "a forever home". He wanted to know if we ever get a forever home, can he get a real basket ball goal? My heart broke a little. My six year old now understands what leasing a house means. He knows it's not ours, although we live in it and make our home in it, it is still just temporary. He's so grown up, and he's only six. How will my heart take it when he is ten and even more grown up?
The moving, the being own our own with no family help or support has grown us all up quite a bit. I won't lie, the first four or five years of our marriage were rough. We had to get used to being married, moving a couple thousand miles from home, having two children, and moving to four different homes. Now I wouldn't trade it for anything, but man it stunk a lot of the time while it was happening. I hope that's how my children look back on their childhoods. They will have good memories to mix in to the hurt of moving. I pray it will make them stronger and better equipped for new experiences. I hope some of this is helping get them ready for the world beyond our home. I know I can't protect them, that I need to get them ready for what is to come. But I want to believe it when I tell them everything is all right, mommy won't let anything hurt you, you are safe.
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